Date or not to date a (Georgian) guy


To be honest I have been thinking about writing an article like this since the first month of living in Tbilisi. Now, after I read provocative article “Should you Date a Georgian?” on Kyliestravel blog, which shared many of my Georgian friends on Facebook and which opened a really interesting discussion, I finally decided to add my own comment.

First lets consider some facts – I am from Czech Republic. I have been living in Georgia for 6 months now. I spend most of my time in Tbilisi, but I also travel a lot around this country, attend festivals, events and other points of interest. I am surrounded by our community within the organization and I am going out mostly to the same favorite places already. That means I am in some specific circles.

I remember one situation when I was living here first or second week and two girl volunteers from Germany were sitting on a sofa, thinking what to write to their friend about the life here, on how to prepare and to lend their advice. After all of the practical info they finished it with the sentence: “…and buy a ring before you will come and put it on your finger as married”. Then they were laughing a lot and the meaning of their laughter was lost on me, at that time I did not get the point. But it started to be clear really soon.

As Kylie wrote at the beginning of her article, foreigner women receive a lot of visible attention from guys here. I can feel it every day everywhere I go. I have blonde hair, it is visible at the first sight that I am not from Georgia. It is not only that I can “feel” eyes on me, no, I can simply see that. Guys on the street are not shy to very perceptibly observe me. They are not shy to come to me as strangers and start to talk, ask me out for drink, number, Facebook or whatever. I was not used to such an attention in Czech Republic. First it was a bit shock, then, I must admit, I felt like some superstar and then it starts to be annoying because you feel like a “piece of meat” for hungry tigers.

tumblr_nxghesphsc1ujqjago1_1280
I have never met so many guys in my life as here. I mean to introduce ourselves to each other, to talk. It is so easy here to meet someone new every day. It could be anywhere, not only at a bar or on a party. Almost every night I am out, I meet some new guy who wants to speak and then add me on Facebook. But we are not talking about any relationships here now, or dating. Most of the guys I met here were not interested in anything serious. If it starts easily they also want to continue easily. It is a different thing when they really want to date. Then they date as any other man. Depends if he is an asshole or not. As anything connected with human, this is personal. There are many foreigner girls around me who are now happily dating Georgians. So to make it clear I am not gonna write about how is to date with Georgian, but what are the reasons why you might be not want to date them.

So as I said, earnestly dating a Georgian for me seems not so easy, because in my experience, the relationship, and especially with foreigner, is usually not what they want. Of course there are some logical reasons for that as why to start anything serious with somebody who is just passing by the country, it could be a fear from a different mentality etc. Other reasons given include a regular  “foreigner girls are easy”, which could be translated as we are not the best for something more serious. But yeah, this is not just a problem of Georgia right. This is a problem of young people in general. We are the generation that doesn’t want relationships, as this Huffington Post article demonstrates (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/we-are-the-generation-who-doesnt-want-reltionships_us_572131a5e4b03b93e7e435d8).

tumblr_ly53amifly1r6nm6ao1_500

Now I can talk of some individual situations, these are usually connected with first flirt and meet with guys. After those 6 months I can safely say it is usually the same story. Guy comes to me, asks me where I’m from and what’s my name, then he tries to speak a bit, invites you for a drink, and depends on his self confidence, he tries to dance with you, touch you or kiss you and if he sees girl likes him, he offers to go to his house. This is nothing special. What drives me mad, and I am not the only one, is how pushy some Georgians can be. For instance, some of the guys I met and gave them my contact, start to write to me every hour and then blocked me because I was not responding. Some invited me somewhere but then clearly showed that it is not going to be “for free”. Some of them after some friendly meetings discovered they would not get what they wanted from me and right after that started to ignore me. Once we had to ask a staff of one bar to kick out one guy, because he was trying to kiss and touch one of our volunteers and did not react on her “no” at all. Once one guy slapped my friend on her butt, she looked on him and asked what is he doing and he did that again, so she slapped him on a cheek and he slapped her back! We all were so shocked. Once taxi driver tried to touch me and kiss me on my neck while I screamed “ara ara ara” and wanted to run away. Once some guy on a street was following our volunteer all the way home, yelling on her etc., so she had to call her mentor to meet her and take her home by car.

This is not a fun what are we talking about now. These are clear cases of sexual harassment. I am not saying this is happening only in Georgia. No of course not. But woman here can strongly feel that she is sometimes seen only as “pretty”, “nice body” and specially “object to use”. I can feel it much more stronger here than in Czech, that is a fact. Being objectified is of course a problem of whole world, but it is much more common here that some guys are not hiding anything and are not ashamed at all to be direct and pushy and they don´t know when to stop. They do not know their borders. Sometimes it looks that those guys really can’t see anything wrong on their behaviour, they even seem as though they  are proud of themselves, they feel as a “real strong men” without feelings. Well, it is always hard to explain our female feelings about this and most of that guys probably can’t imagine, how it actually is, when you are taken as an “object”, when somebody looks on anything else than your body, does not care about your brain, does not want to know your opinions, does not want to appreciate your personality. The only things that person is focused on are your tits and butt and how to get in your panties really fast and to never see you again. It does not matter if you like that person or not, it is always painful….

e6f7025c2aa96f21a2ce03c90b3cdf4b e8388d8ed4df7d29d5599edc9cdb14bb

What is the most interesting to watch on Kylie’s post are comments and discussion. Some of the guys started to share her pictures and comment it in the way “she is ugly” “I would never sleep with her” etc. This says a lot itself. We are still living in the world where matters how author of such an article looks like and if she is pretty enough to say something.  Also comments like “angry woman”, “somebody broke her heart”  show that if we criticize men it automatically means we’ve got some personal troubles, we are not self confident enough to get over it, we’ve got some sad experiences and when we wanna talk about it in public it is just because it is “a revenge” to that man, or, and this is the best, we are angry feminists 😀 It is not anything unusual that some men use the word “feminist” as an insult.

I would love to read the point of view of Georgian women. I bet this behaviour is also common when Georgian men try it on Georgian girls. And I am very curious about it. I can comment it only as a foreign visitor and it seems almost nobody talks about this here. Sexism is a huge topic in Europe, but of course we are still fighting with it.  In Czechia we have a competition of sexist advertisement called Sexist Piggy, runned by NGO Nesehnutí every year, which shows that woman’s body is still used as a “sexy object” to sell something. All the situations I described could easily happen to me also anywhere else, I know. But I experienced this here and I feel it is necessary to open this topic right now.

PS. At the end I wanna say that overwhelmingly  I met mostly super nice Georgian men here and lot of them are my close friends now. I experienced many nice situations as giving me place to sit in a bus, helping me with a bags from supermarket, putting some extra cheese to my khachapuri etc. Many guys took me to some interesting places and I enjoyed my time with them a lot. That attention can be also very nice sometimes, guys try to be gentle and care, I had even a feeling that Czechs are sometimes already too cold and ignorant. This is not an article about Georgian men in general, I have no right to generalize. But we can’t ignore those sad cases, we should speak openly about it, now.

Link to Kyliestravel article: https://kyliestravel.wordpress.com/2016/09/18/should-you-date-a-georgian/

women-not-objects

Pics sources: 1. Illustration by Tiffany Pai, 2., 4., 5. Tumblr, 3. Other-wordly, 6. Womennotobjects.com

Date or not to date a (Georgian) guyhttp://recmag.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/75a167ed88bdd59ffd659d5f63e39078-680x340.jpghttp://recmag.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/75a167ed88bdd59ffd659d5f63e39078-150x75.jpg Kristyna Kyankova Human rightsSociety,,,,,
To be honest I have been thinking about writing an article like this since the first month of living in Tbilisi. Now, after I read provocative article “Should you Date a Georgian?” on Kyliestravel blog, which shared many of my Georgian friends on Facebook and which opened a really...
<p style="text-align: justify"><strong>To be honest I have been thinking about writing an article like this since the first month of living in Tbilisi. Now, after I read provocative article “Should you Date a Georgian?” on Kyliestravel blog, which shared many of my Georgian friends on Facebook and which opened a really interesting discussion, I finally decided to add my own comment. </strong></p> <p style="text-align: justify"><span style="font-weight: 400">First let</span>'<span style="font-weight: 400">s consider some facts - I am from Czech Republic. I have been living in Georgia for 6 months now. I spend most of my time in Tbilisi, but I also travel a lot around this country, attend festivals, events and other points of interest. I am surrounded by our community within the organization and I am going out mostly to the same favorite places already. That means I am in some <em>specific circles</em>.</span></p> <p style="text-align: justify"><span style="font-weight: 400">I remember one situation when I was living here first or second week and two girl volunteers from Germany were sitting on a sofa, thinking what to write to their friend about the life here, on how to prepare and to lend their advice. After all of the practical info they finished it with the sentence: “...and buy a ring before you will come and put it on your finger as married”. Then they were laughing a lot and the meaning of their laughter was lost on me, at that time I did not get the point. But it started to be clear really soon. </span></p> <p style="text-align: justify"><span style="font-weight: 400">As Kylie wrote at the beginning of her article, foreigner women receive a lot of visible attention from guys here. I can feel it every day everywhere I go. I have blonde hair, it is visible at the first sight that I am not from Georgia. It is not only that I can “feel” eyes on me, no, I can simply see that. Guys on the street are not shy to very perceptibly observe me. They are not shy to come to me as strangers and start to talk, ask me out for drink, number, Facebook or whatever. I was not used to such an attention in Czech Republic. First it was a bit shock, then, I must admit, I felt like some superstar and then it starts to be annoying because you feel like a “piece of meat” for hungry tigers. </span></p> <p style="text-align: justify"><img class="aligncenter wp-image-669 size-full" src="http://recmag.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/tumblr_nxghesPhSC1ujqjago1_1280.jpg" alt="tumblr_nxghesphsc1ujqjago1_1280" width="599" height="395" /> <span style="font-weight: 400">I have never met so many guys in my life as here. I mean to introduce ourselves to each other, to talk. It is so easy here to meet someone new every day. It could be anywhere, not only at a bar or on a party. Almost every night I am out, I meet some new guy who wants to speak and then add me on Facebook. But we are not talking about any relationships here now, or dating. Most of the guys I met here were not interested in anything <em>serious.</em> If it starts easily they also want to continue easily. It is a different thing when they really want to date. Then they date as any other man. Depends if he is an asshole or not. As anything connected with human, this is personal. There are many foreigner girls around me who are now happily dating Georgians. So to make it clear I am not gonna write about how is to date with Georgian, but what are the reasons why you might be not want to date them. </span></p> <p style="text-align: justify"><span style="font-weight: 400">So as I said, earnestly dating a Georgian for me seems not so easy, because in my experience, the relationship, and especially with foreigner, is usually not what they want. Of course there are some logical reasons for that as why to start anything serious with somebody who is just passing by the country, it could be a fear from a different mentality etc. Other reasons given include a regular  <em>“foreigner girls are easy”</em>, which could be translated as we are not the best for something more serious. But yeah, this is not just a problem of Georgia right. This is a problem of young people in general. <strong>We are the generation that doesn’t want relationships</strong>, as this Huffington Post article demonstrates (</span><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/we-are-the-generation-who-doesnt-want-reltionships_us_572131a5e4b03b93e7e435d8"><span style="font-weight: 400">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/we-are-the-generation-who-doesnt-want-reltionships_us_572131a5e4b03b93e7e435d8</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400">). </span></p> <img class="aligncenter wp-image-668 size-full" src="http://recmag.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/tumblr_ly53amifly1r6nm6ao1_500.png" alt="tumblr_ly53amifly1r6nm6ao1_500" width="500" height="330" /> <span style="font-weight: 400">Now I can talk of some individual situations, these are usually connected with first flirt and meet with guys. After those 6 months I can safely say it is usually the same story. Guy comes to me, asks me where I’m from and what’s my name, then he tries to speak a bit, invites you for a drink, and depends on his self confidence, he tries to dance with you, touch you or kiss you and if he sees girl likes him, he offers to go to his house. This is nothing special. What drives me mad, and I am not the only one, is how <em>pushy</em> some Georgians can be. For instance, some of the guys I met and gave them my contact, start to write to me every hour and then blocked me because I was not responding. Some invited me somewhere but then clearly showed that it is not going to be <em>“for free”.</em> Some of them after some friendly meetings discovered they would not get what they wanted from me and right after that started to ignore me. Once we had to ask a staff of one bar to kick out one guy, because he was trying to kiss and touch one of our volunteers and did not react on her “no” at all. Once one guy slapped my friend on her butt, she looked on him and asked what is he doing and he did that again, so she slapped him on a cheek and he slapped her back! We all were so shocked. Once taxi driver tried to touch me and kiss me on my neck while I screamed “ara ara ara” and wanted to run away. Once some guy on a street was following our volunteer all the way home, yelling on her etc., so she had to call her mentor to meet her and take her home by car.</span> <span style="font-weight: 400">This is not a fun what are we talking about now. These are clear cases of <strong>sexual harassment</strong>. I am not saying this is happening only in Georgia. No of course not. But woman here can strongly feel that she is sometimes seen only as <em>“pretty”,</em> <em>“nice body”</em> and specially <em><strong>“object to use”</strong></em>. I can feel it much more stronger here than in Czech, that is a fact. Being <strong>objectified</strong> is of course a problem of whole world, but it is much more common here that some guys are not hiding anything and are not ashamed at all to be direct and pushy and they don´t know when to stop. They do not know their borders. Sometimes it looks that those guys really can't see anything wrong on their behaviour, they even seem as though they  are proud of themselves, they feel as a <em>“real strong men”</em> without feelings. Well, it is always hard to explain our female feelings about this and most of that guys probably can't imagine, how it actually is, when you are taken as an “object”, when somebody looks on anything else than your body, does not care about your brain, does not want to know your opinions, does not want to appreciate your personality. The only things that person is focused on are your tits and butt and how to get in your panties really fast and to never see you again. It does not matter if you like that person or not, it is always painful....</span> <img class="wp-image-664 size-large alignleft" src="http://recmag.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/e6f7025c2aa96f21a2ce03c90b3cdf4b-365x500.jpg" alt="e6f7025c2aa96f21a2ce03c90b3cdf4b" width="365" height="500" /> <img class="alignnone wp-image-665 size-large" src="http://recmag.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/e8388d8ed4df7d29d5599edc9cdb14bb-324x500.jpg" alt="e8388d8ed4df7d29d5599edc9cdb14bb" width="324" height="500" /> <span style="font-weight: 400">What is the most interesting to watch on Kylie's post are comments and discussion. Some of the guys started to share her pictures and comment it in the way <em>“she is ugly”</em> <em>“I would never sleep with her”</em> etc. This says a lot itself. <strong>We are still living in the world where matters how author of such an article looks like and if she is pretty enough to say something.</strong>  Also comments like<em> “angry woman”, “somebody broke her heart”</em>  show that if we criticize men it automatically means we've got some personal troubles, we are not self confident enough to get over it, we've got some sad experiences and when we wanna talk about it in public it is just because it is “a revenge” to that man, or, and this is the best, we are<em> angry feminists</em> 😀 It is not anything unusual that some men use the word “feminist” as <em>an insult. </em></span> <span style="font-weight: 400">I would love to read the point of view of Georgian women. I bet this behaviour is also common when Georgian men try it on Georgian girls. And I am very curious about it. I can comment it only as a foreign visitor and it seems almost nobody talks about this here. <strong>Sexism</strong> is a huge topic in Europe, but of course we are still fighting with it.  In Czechia we have a competition of sexist advertisement called <em>Sexist Piggy</em>, runned by NGO Nesehnutí every year, which shows that woman's body is still used as a “sexy object” to sell something. All the situations I described could easily happen to me also anywhere else, I know. But I experienced this here and I feel it is necessary to open this topic right now. </span> <span style="font-weight: 400">PS. At the end I wanna say that overwhelmingly  I met mostly super nice Georgian men here and lot of them are my close friends now. I experienced many nice situations as giving me place to sit in a bus, helping me with a bags from supermarket, putting some extra cheese to my khachapuri etc. Many guys took me to some interesting places and I enjoyed my time with them a lot. That attention can be also very nice sometimes, guys try to be gentle and care, I had even a feeling that Czechs are sometimes already too cold and ignorant. This is not an article about Georgian men in general, I have no right to generalize. But we can't ignore those sad cases, we should speak openly about it, now. </span> <p style="text-align: justify">Link to Kyliestravel article: <a href="https://kyliestravel.wordpress.com/2016/09/18/should-you-date-a-georgian/">https://kyliestravel.wordpress.com/2016/09/18/should-you-date-a-georgian/</a></p> <img class="aligncenter wp-image-670 size-full" src="http://recmag.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/women-not-objects.jpg" alt="women-not-objects" width="600" height="315" /> <p style="text-align: center"><em>Pics sources: 1. Illustration by Tiffany Pai, 2., 4., 5.</em><em> Tumblr, 3. Other-wordly, 6. Womennotobjects.com</em></p>
Kristyna Kyankova
Human, women and animal rights activist from Brno, Czech Republic. Currently on EVS in Georgia for 10 months. Focused on various topics from different fields. Feminism, sexism, objectifying / sustainability, ecology, environment / refugees, minorities / gender, LGBT / culture, life style, fashion / Interested in visiting places in Tbilisi and Georgia and enjoying life here as much as possible!
  • Obada ElSharbatly

    This is really good Article .. good work
    and I want to say you will never fine the solution of this problem except in Islam
    in Islam girls and women are very valuable.
    Islam taught us to respect our wife and care about her.

    Allah put the border for us to solve this big problems if you search I am sure you will find every every thing you dream about

    Good luck 🙂

    Public CommentUserThis is really good Article .. good work and I want to say you will never fine the solution of this problem except in Islam in Islam girls and women are very valuable. Islam taught us to respect our wife and care about her. Allah put the border for us to solve this big problems if you search I am sure you will find every every thing you dream about Good luck :)
  • natia natia

    Hello there. This is a very good article. I am a Georgian female myself. And yes I can confirm that all what you are saying is true. Georgian men do harass the women. They even harass Georgian girls.
    Don’t hesitate to ask me if you need to know anything.

    Public CommentUserHello there. This is a very good article. I am a Georgian female myself. And yes I can confirm that all what you are saying is true. Georgian men do harass the women. They even harass Georgian girls. Don't hesitate to ask me if you need to know anything.
  • Ragnarიოკ

    LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO outta here u go boyyyyy lol

    Public CommentUserLMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO outta here u go boyyyyy lol